Get To Know A T-Shirt: White Fire

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Not many director’s autograph their own film

White Fire Directed By Jean-Marie Pallardy. Starring Robert Ginty (1984)

The main and only reason I am aware of this film is through RC, I often scour the shirts in the catalog to see why they would even bother to burn a screenprint, because I know what a difficult and painful process it is, so it must be worth it! It’s a bold move to churn out a product that people must wear if only to let others know that they are among White Fire’s exclusive cult of fans (I include myself in this sect)! Even the president of Rotten Cotton proudly wears this shirt!

Jean-Marie Pallardy was a French male model who thankfully decided to delve into the exploitation world of Turkish film making with this stupendous flick!

Star Robert Ginty has always come off like a lethargic mop-haired dopey fake Charles Bronson, in my controversial opinion, he’s the worst part of The Exterminator (and the only reason he’s starring in this) and I know Namsploitation fans will disagree, but no matter how many times I try to watch it, it’s so hokey and stupendously dull that I detest that film, it’s worst crime is that it takes itself too seriously!

Now as far the Exterminator sequel goes, I find it better than the original mainly because of two reasons, there’s a delivered promise of flamethrower carnage and some awesome 80’s breakdancing!

What does White Fire deliver that’s not featured in the art work? Let’s see… a shit load of incest! There is a cavalcade of stars at its disposal (starring in this film purely for the Turkish vacation). White Fire has Escape From The Bronx style dimestore futurism effects and a ban saw to the scrotum! You also get the incredibly catchy hit single “White Fire/ Where Do We Go From Here” by Limelight! The song monotonously plays over scenes of death and flamethrower destruction and later sister and brother graphic sex! How does that ever come to happen, you might wonder? Well let me divulge that information right now.

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my pores exude a delightful humus

You see, Bob Ginty plays “Bo” Boris Donnelly a mustachioed lunkhead who’s sister Ingrid is kidnapped and is seemingly killed. Later on she re-emerges as the same person but with a new identity (and less fluffy hair), so legally Bo is within all rights to sleep with his sister, who is apparently a different person, although when they do commit the unforgivable act, there’s a montage of them as children frolicking around. Bo has lusted after his sister from the beginning and their incestuous relationship seems mutual. Pallardy, who wrote the script has got some explaining to do, unfortunately there’s no behind the scenes extras on the DVD!

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a true love that dare not speak it’s name

What sets White Fire apart aside from the incest is it’s ravenous use of ultra violence with chainsaws, bandsaws and other shop class instruments. There’s Spaceballs type guards and ludicrous future special effects in the high tech diamond mine. Fred Williamson shows up to strangle different Bald Bull looking Turks and has a nonexistent final showdown with Ginty. This being Istambull (that’s the spelling in the film) there is a ton of mustachioed sweaty gorillas lurking around. The plotline and continuity lumbers around like someone with a concussion. It’s never dull and as incredibly inept as it is, it’s a sort of trash masterpiece, that’s flaws work in its favor and make it seriously fun in the way The Room is great and Birdememic is terrible. So Buy the shirt and watch the film!

Either this bandsaw gnaws off your balls, or my giant choppers will

Either this bandsaw gnaws off your balls, or my giant choppers will

 

that leg was filled with spagetti sauce

that leg was filled with spaghetti sauce

 

this man was never seen or heard from again

this man was never seen or heard from again

Crankenstein

About Crankenstein

Gore Nerd and Film Fanatic who likes Metal, Pizza and hanging out with his dog Jack.