So I experienced The Hobbit in IMAX 3D 48fps last night….
No one bothered to tell me it was 23 hours long! Dry-dick me sideways… 23 hours of gay Jewish midgets WALKING, and RUNNING, and EATING with bird shit running down the sides of their faces…sorry, the bird shit thing is a bit of a spoiler.
(And just to clarify for the PC police out there, I assume these fuzzy little hook-nose midgets are GAY because I didn’t see a FEMALE the entire 23 hour running time and they do have an ethnic Jewish-ish appearance. So I calls it like I sees it.)
But ultimately it won’t matter because the movie is a fucking nerd fest that will only appeal to the lowest form of fantasy fag nerd. If you are a fantasy fag nerd, The Hobbit will be the hottest masturbatory session of your miserable lives. Enjoy it, you earned it.
So anyway, around hour 9 of this freak show I had to piss like crazy. (I have the bladder of a catholic school girl from years of drug and alcohol abuse) Up until this point NOTHING was happening with these gay Jewish midgets, other than WALKING, RUNNING, AND EATING, so I figured what the hell, time to drain my female bladder.
After my leisurely piss, I finally get back to my seat. What did I miss? Not a goddamn thing.
(other than gay Jewish midgets WALKING, RUNNING, and EATING.)
I thought I had died and went to hell. I looked at my watch and turned to my brother, “how much more of this shit do we have to endure, will it ever end? I think I want to kill myself…”
If I wanted a midget freak show I could have stayed home and watched the TLC Network. Fuck you Peter Jackson.
So finally we get to the end of this mess but guess what? Its not the end, after all the WALKING, RUNNING, and EATING, these midgets NEVER get to where they were going!!! And after 23 fucking hours I forgot where the fuck they were headed in the first place. My ass hurt, my eyes hurt from the 3D glasses, I had to piss again, and my nose was burning from the foul putrid stench coming off the asses of nerds in front of us who hadn’t bathed in weeks.
One thing I realized after watching The Hobbit… Django is a masterpiece.