Cannibal Kitchen: Evil Dead (2013)

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“The most terrifying film you will ever experience”

I don’t know what was better, getting to see this movie at midnight or directly after witnessing a guy fall down a flight of stairs in a tuck and roll position and then pop back up like a weeble wobble. Can we please take a second to bask in the glory of that sentence? Who on earth falls that often that they have the instincts as they are falling down stairs to go into a tuck and roll. It was like seeing a unicorn…or Jason Bourne minus a death by towel scene.

 Evil Dead 2013. Book of the Dead 1.

Many people are referring to Evil Dead as typical “Hollywood Horror”, or my favorite “it’s to scary and not as campy as the original”. If I hear one more person think Evil Dead 2 is the original Evil Dead I may just start shanking people. Of course this film has the Hollywood polish on it. This 2013 “remake” had an estimated budget of $17,000,000 compared to the 1981 estimated budget of $375,000. It’s going to be luxurious and probably topped off with a white Tiffany’s bow too. I’m pretty sure if you shook Bill Gates couch cushions $375,000 would fall out of it. Unfortunately, Its just a fact that in the grand scheme of Hollywood productions Evil Dead (1981) was made on a nothing budget. With that said, it doesn’t make Evil Dead (2013) a bad film.

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I liked this movie from start to finish. I thought it grabbed your attention from the opening scene and held it to the last gory second. I personally enjoyed the subtle character development, and really enjoyed playing “Where’s Waldo” with the homage to the original. As the credits rolled I felt that my expectations had been met, and I was happy with Evil Dead’s time travel to modern-day. Jane Levy was perfect as Mia, and my sister has already staked marriage claim on the actor who plays David. So ladies, if you like a little eye candy with your dismemberment and demons this is up your alley.

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It’s no secret that you should stay until after the credits. What I think is funny is the amount of rambling that took place after the fact about what the underlying meaning of it was. In my opinion, people are reading too much into it. I think it was like finding an Easter egg. Yeah you’re like this is awesome, I totally found the golden egg, but at the end of the day it doesn’t really mean anything. I guess it doesn’t hurt to hope there’s something delicious hiding in the egg though. Now on that note, I leave you with the three most magical words ever REIGN IN BLOOD (insert sweet Slayer riffs).

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BLISTERING BRUSSELS SPROUTS

As an adult I’ve been determined to make Brussels sprouts taste good. It’s taken me many years, but I think I finally did so. For this version I tried to go healthier with it, so I used Olive oil. If you’re not concerned about any health factors, feel free to substitute 4 Tablespoons melted butter in its place for a heartier taste. If you’re feeling real gluttonous add a little cooked bacon too.

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Ingredients:

– 1 Pound Brussels sprouts, washed and cut vertically
– 3 Tablespoons Olive Oil
– 3 Tablespoons Whole grain deli mustard (I really like Mustard girl brand)
– 1 Teaspoon Minced Garlic
– 1/2 Teaspoon Red Pepper Flakes
– 1/2 Teaspoon Cumin
– 1/2 Teaspoon Black Pepper
– 1/2 or 1/4 Teaspoon Sea Salt (Pick your ratio depending on how salty you like things)

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Directions:
Pre-heat oven to 400F. In a medium-sized greased baking dish place cut Brussels sprouts. Set aside. In a small bowl mix together all other ingredients until fully combined. Pour mustard mixture over Brussels sprouts and toss until fully covered. Cover baking dish with foil and bake for 10 minutes covered and then 5 minutes uncovered. Serve warm and fresh.

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Serves 4 as sides

 

I WILL FEAST ON YOUR STEAK!

Something about this movie just screamed to me that I needed a meat recipe in its most primal state…yet still edible. Feel free to adjust cooking time to make the steak perfect to your liking and your blood tolerance levels.

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Ingredients:

–       1 Beef Boneless Rib Eye Steak (about 1 – ½ pounds)

–       1 Cup Dry red wine

–       1/3 cup Beef broth

–       ¼ Cup Soy Sauce

–       3 Garlic Cloves, Crushed and diced

–       1 Teaspoon Sugar

–       3 Thyme leaves

–       1 Sage leaves

–       Black Pepper to taste

 

Directions:

In a large container, mix all ingredients together except the pepper and steak. Set the meat on a plate, and use a knife to make small jabs into it. Sprinkle lightly with pepper, and then put into the marinade. Cover and chill for 24 hours.

Remove steak from marinade, and discard the rest of the marinade. Set the oven to broil, and cook steak for 15 to 20 minutes or until desired doneness. Make sure to turn only once. Next, remove the steak from the oven and sear it in a grill pan over medium-high heat for a couple of minutes on each side. Allow the steak to rest for 5-10 minutes after cooking in order for the juices to settle. Cut with the grain, and eat as is or in your favorite fajita or salad recipe.

 

Makes 1

 

 

THE NECRONOMICAKE

Now that it’s that time of year again where it’s supposedly supposed to be getting nice outside, I feel like it’s appropriate to start figuring out ways to incorporate my adult beverages into desert form. Daisy Cutter is one of my favorite locally made Pale Ales. It’s brewed by Half Acre (4257 N. Lincoln Ave., Chicago), and it’s mighty tasty. It has a floral aroma with a slightly citrus and light bitter taste, which I’ve found, translates over perfectly to a baked good. You still all may die tonight though.

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Ingredients:

–       2 ½ Cups All purpose flour

–       2 Cups Sugar

–       3 Eggs

–       1 Cup Daisy Cutter Pale Ale, Poured and settled

–       ½ Cup Vegetable Oil

–       ¼ Cup Buttermilk

–       ¼ Cup Cream cheese, Softened

–       1 Tablespoon Orange Juice

–       2 Teaspoons Baking powder

–       ¼ Teaspoon Salt

–       1 Teaspoon Vanilla Extract

–       ½ Teaspoon Lemon Extract

–       ½ Teaspoon Almond Extract

 

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350 Degrees F and line 1 cupcake tray with liners. Pour beer into a glass and allow to settle before use. In a medium bowl, mix together flour, baking soda, and salt. Set aside. In a large bowl beat sugar and cream cheese together until mixed well; about 3 minutes. Next, add eggs one at a time, mixing after each addition. Follow by adding both extracts and lemon extract and slightly beating until just incorporated.

In a medium-sized bowl, gently mix together the beer, vegetable oil, and milk. Pour half of the beer mixture into the batter, followed by half the flour mixture. Repeat this step, and mix after each addition. Next, add the orange juice and give the batter a quick mix just to combine. Fill cupcakes 2/3rd full of batter and bake 20-25 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Allow to cool for an hour, and then frost with the Whipped Cream Of The Dead recipe.

 

Whipped Cream Of The Dead Ingredients:

–       1 ½ Cup Whipping Cream

–       2 Teaspoons Powdered Sugar

–       1 Teaspoon Vanilla Extract

–       ½ Teaspoon Orange Juice

 

Directions:

In a large bowl, with a mixer on high-speed, whip the cream until it starts to stiffen up and peaks begin to form. Add the remainder of the ingredients and continue to whisk until peaks form and when the beaters are lifted out the cream holds a shape. Pipe or spread onto the cooled cupcakes and enjoy.

 

Makes 12

 

 

Shannon Rullo

About Shannon Rullo